Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
