I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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