i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
