Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
