Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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