HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
