this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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