Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
