in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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