he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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