did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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