so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
