so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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