he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
