I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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