whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
