im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
