I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
