totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
