You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
