i just sent this text using only my big toe
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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