Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
