I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
