I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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