Umm I'm too high to move.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
