His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
