All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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