He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
