At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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