Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Are we still banned from the library?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
