I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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