I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
