everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
