those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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