Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
