so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
