I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
