he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
