someone get that fucking seahorse.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
