When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im holly from the hills drunk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
