Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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