How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
