Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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