I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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