You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
