Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
