dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
