It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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