I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
