dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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