you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
