No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
