I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
