This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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