pop tarts are not kleenex
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
