Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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