hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
