The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
