This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's the barista slut.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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