YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
