well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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