I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
