I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
