I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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