nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
