Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize