If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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